They will support you more than you could have possibly imagined. Call your REAL girlfriends. There was only one weird thing about her, which is that I would occasionally catch her looking at me a little funny. If she goes off on you, at least you can say you handled it the best way you could have. Not really because of him, but because of her. That's half the fun for them. I think, "My ex is dating my friend" is very common, especially if you live in the suburbs, where everyone knows everyone. I found out about this the hard way, in a similar situation. A good friend used to say to me, "You're on your own road. Think you could use some dating help, too? The problem is, my friend had a deep relationship with this girl, and I think he's still kind of in love with her. That's the truth of the situation. How could they do this to me?! Maybe this is your future wife, or muse, or whatever it is that you're looking for.
But it's largely a matter of compartmentalizing. They had a sparkling relationship — they were one of those couples that just radiated warm, gooey, nauseating passion — and I was super envious of it. I remember people in my neighborhood would tell me they saw them out and I would seriously cringe, and then go home and cry. You've got a hell of a decision to make. It's unproductive, psychotic and immature. How could they do this to me?! Think you could use some dating help, too? When that wears off, and everyone in the community moves on to the next piece of gossip, and your ex and your friend really get to know each other, the appeal will fade. You're saying, "screw you and your silly emotions, I've got to get laid. Focus on your kids, your career, and your love life, if you choose. If this is the case, you'd be missing out on years of potential passion if you passed up on this girl for the sake of sparing your friends' feelings. Which is that people never really get over significant romantic relationships. Odds are, that's what this is, in which case you should probably just sigh, move on, and hit up your online dating site of choice, where you can find lots of other crush-worthy women. Because they're going to see you holding hands with their ex, and remember how nice that felt, and if you think they won't envision you having sex together, you're being naive. I can't stop thinking about her. But sometimes, you have to do inadvisable things for love. Because, again, you're declaring to an old friend that you're prepared to disregard his feelings. Sure, people will talk about their old relationships and say that they're "over it" or that it "wasn't meant to be," or pepper you with other related nonsense phrases, but what they mean is they're not thinking about it right now. You get a new and even prettier girlfriend, or hang out with your friends more, or get into jiu jitsu or knitting. Tom, one of my childhood friends, was always kind of bummed out, until he met Josie, a fast-talking, high-energy woman who brought him out of his shell. If she goes off on you, at least you can say you handled it the best way you could have. It's going to hurt even if you say all the nice things you should say — that you're still going to be his friend, that you're going to try not to Instagram this girl obsessively, etc. Also, obviously, Josie was an outrageously foxy person: If you find yourself in this situation, here are some tips on how to handle it and how to keep from going insane: Inherently, it's a selfish thing. The relationship lasted for about 6 months I think and years later, I've come to realize how silly and stupid I was for having the reaction I did. Immense fury like a caged tiger.
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