I lived in California, he lived in Arizona. And we talked about the kids. He's 5 years older than me, divorced, and has two children. Religion, politics, family, our hopes for the future, our views on how people should treat each other, pet peeves, likes, loves, etc. The wounds are fresh, each party wants some kind of revenge, and if there are children in the marriage, custody becomes a HOT issue. However, in the case of dealing with a truly crazy soon-to-be ex, there are nasty, nasty games that get played and often times the children are put in the middle by one party or the other. He's NEVER missed a child support payment, and has even on a couple of occasions given his crazy, financially-irresponsible ex-wife monetary gifts when she expressed that money was really tight and that she needed extra cash for groceries and bills. This is a blessing and a curse. Of course we talked about lots of other things, too. Wow, was I ever off base with that line of dreaming! Little did we realize over the next couple of years how much his relationship with his ex-wife would deteriorate once I came more fully into the picture and started to help take care of the kids when they were with my boyfriend for his parenting time. I'm my boyfriend's support. We also suppose that the new boyfriend, let's call him Skeezer, decided he wanted to have a more "man of the house" role and with the ex-husband so much in the picture, Skeezer might have decided that that relationship needed to change. When she's trying to create conflict, we can disengage and we don't have to worry about her dropping by our house uninvited to cause trouble.
I felt special because he was confiding this stuff in me and wanted to open up about this bad situation, and he felt comforted by being able to actually talk about it. Also, little did we realize how much the crazy ex was going to start putting the kids in the middle. Many of them actually do suffer from psychological disorders, often undiagnosed. She can find a job just about anywhere. Some people who are divorced will say that their ex is a complete psycho. I was planning to try and move to Arizona 6 months later, but after doing some job hunting, my boyfriend realized that there were more opportunities for him in his field in California. They'll list reasons like, "She tried to extort money from me! We've been apart like this for just over a year. Or, when the ex decides to ignore my boyfriend's calls to the kids, and the kids alone, for days on end even though in the parenting time order he's allowed to call and should be able to speak to them every day. However, in the case of dealing with a truly crazy soon-to-be ex, there are nasty, nasty games that get played and often times the children are put in the middle by one party or the other. Then years later, I meet my current boyfriend. My college boyfriend ended up, well, let's just say that his relationship with his "friend" Matt gave me the courage to finally end our tumultuous relationship. I always pictured my life with a man I'd meet in college, we'd have 3 kids of our own, I'd have a good advertising job, he'd do We're also engaged in a nasty custody fight with his ex-wife. A blessing because our jobs here in California are pretty great and the distance between where we live, and where the ex lives in Arizona, creates a nice little buffer for sanity when we need it. It's conflict and frustration on a daily basis, and in the last 10 months, my boyfriend has had to apply to the courts to intervene on four occasions, none of which have really gotten Stella to stop putting the kids in the middle of the drama or actually let my boyfriend have an easy time getting to talk to the kids or see them at his court-ordered parenting times. I love the kids well, they are pretty great, even despite their mother's craziness , I help feed them, clothe them, make sure they're bathing, I kiss owies, I give time-outs for bad attitudes. Most people, after a little while, if they're sane, will be able to quell the "divorce crazy" and get down to business figuring out what they want, what they can reasonably get from the divorce agreement, and what's best for the children. Most of them are women. In order to make sure the kids are taken care of, he needs to pay child support. In our case, my boyfriend's ex-wife is crazy and she's the one putting the kids in the middle, and manipulating every single legal angle she can to make my boyfriend look like an abusive asshole who shouldn't have any contact with their kids, when she's the one actually putting them in harm's way. He has two, and at the time we started dating, they were 3 and 8 years old. Religion, politics, family, our hopes for the future, our views on how people should treat each other, pet peeves, likes, loves, etc. I lived in California, he lived in Arizona. I'm the cheerleader, the encouragement, and I try to be the solace.
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