I have lost a couple friends because of my decision to carry on seeing him. You don't just have to take my word for it. The girlfriend, on the other hand -- well, she's someone I stayed close to, and I must admit that even today it seems to be best if I don't bring her up too often. So, I asked him and yes it was true. He apologised and admitted he was struggling to find a way to tell me about his prison sentence. And yes, part of this means giving them space to make their own mistakes! On the one hand, because you're such a protective and loving mom, you probably want to barricade the front door and not let that person within 10 feet of your precious girl believe me, when I've heard girls in workshops talk about bad news boyfriends or mean friends, I've felt the exact same way! After my friend and I stopped talking though, it became easier to talk to my mom again because there wasn't that tension tied to our relationship. I could not ask for a more supportive mother. This serves as a reminder that she is still your daughter and that you expect her to follow the rules; she is more likely to continue following them if she fears you will punish her and keep her away from her boyfriend. It's their job to be emotional, reactive, and passionate. If your daughter comes to you and wants your opinion or advice on this person, use the opportunity to empower her by saying, "I'm not in love with this friend of yours, but I trust that you will figure out how to deal with them. Don't get me wrong: Gradually it sort of repaired itself naturally once that other person was out of the picture. I look forward to hearing your questions and am grateful to share the wisdom I've gained from being in the trenches with thousands of teens and moms.
But this kind of absolute approach almost always backfires. My mom voiced how she was feeling when she didn't like one of my friends, not by controlling my life or preventing me from seeing my friend, but by always offering other things to do in place of seeing her. Stay away from saying things like, "I don't like her" and instead try, "I am concerned that what she is doing is dangerous and would not want you to do any of those things. Tina, 17 From the first time I met my new best friend in high school, I didn't want to bring her around to meet my family. Riley, 17 A lot of times, it seems that going through difficult patches like this can actually bring you and your daughter closer together; it just takes time, love and patience. She adds, "You might even speak to her about this friend or boyfriend needing some help, and that your daughter could be a positive influence. I wish she had just come out and asked me what she wanted to know. For example, tell her than in any relationship she has with a boy, whether it is her current boyfriend or a boyfriend she has in the future, it is never OK for her boyfriend to hit her, harm her, verbally abuse her, mentally abuse her, or keep her away from her friends and family. But at the same time, you don't want to go too far and drive a wedge between the two of you. She needs you to guide her toward making good decisions, and you'll know in your heart what is right for your specific situation. Ask that she talks to you or another trusted adult if she ever finds herself in such a circumstance. Tips Discuss the aspects of a healthful relationship with your daughter. If your daughter's friend or boyfriend is involved in drugs or other damaging behavior, Dr. Raiford is a graduate of Saint Petersburg College in Florida. I realized that this girl I'd been hanging out with was not a good friend and that she didn't care much about her friendship with me. A lot of girls have said they appreciated their moms taking the time to understand why that person was important to her. I Googled him and there he was — a criminal. She told me that she was proud of me for standing by my friend, and encouraged me to come to her if I had any questions about how to handle her antics, or approach the possibility of seeking help for her or support for myself. I know my mom trusts me to do the right things and make the right choices. Narrow minded, judgemental and hypocritical. Most have accepted him. It definitely took some time after my break-up for my mom and I to get back into a good rhythm with each other. So how do you find the right balance? You're a very smart girl. And that's especially true when we're dealing with a tricky situation like you not loving someone that they are hanging out with. Fifteen-year-old Jill shared, "My mom always talked about my friend with a sort of question in her voice.
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